Isn't it lovely
by ABeautifulBreakdown
Summary: POST TLJ, diverging away from TROS. Kylo Ren, struggling against his true nature as Ben Solo hunts Rey down in a desperate attempt to better understand himself and his true place in the force. Will she take his hand if offered once more? Can she save him from the darkness? Or are they destined to relive his family legacy? Rating may change


There was a quiet stillness to this planet, the suns rays slipping beneath a horizon painted in hues of gold and brilliant icy blues. The ground was snow capped and glowing beneath the light of the planets several moons. Giving the darkening world an ethereal brilliance that might have been breath taking had he the time for such notions. His ship had landed in a tundra like field surrounded by tall trees edging on a lake. The white powder was unmarred and flawless beneath the guiding eye of the planets force causing Kylo Ren to stand out like a bantha on a star destroyer. His black visage landed in stark contrast to the glimmering ice capped trees and the planets frozen stillness. The violent red seams of his mask lit up like flares as he stood inspecting the scene before him. Quiet, still, calm. Yet the darkness rolled off him in waves, the wind whipping around him to pick up his heavy black cloak. He found himself very grateful he'd dressed for the weather, his tunic a thick knit beneath a heavy cloak lined with tauntaun fur.

Curse these Outer Rim planets and their force forsaken climates. Even Ilum had been painful, it's only saving grace the intense connection it had to the force and land ripe with kyber. At least it had been before star killer base and that monstrous foul up.

The thought of Ilum and all that it had been to him brought a rolling agony through the force causing Kylo to instinctively grope for his lightsaber. Like a child desperate for it's sookie blanket he whirled the blade the life using its light to illuminate the growing darkness. He adjusted his stance, listening, reaching out now with the force for a sign of any living creature, a sign that he was not alone and this trip from system to system was not fraught with failure.

His star destroyer was stifling, Hux was unbearable and unrelenting and worst of all he found that the bridge that joined him to the scavenger was shut. From time to time he found himself reaching out across the force, through the bond they seemed to share only to find an empty void on the other end. Her light, the one light he seemed to chase was gone, simply vanished from existence. His last thought or feeling from her was one of loathing and fear as she boarded that damned freighter and disappeared from his life. And yet, he was consumed by her. The thought of her, the way the force felt when he was close to her, it was like nothing he'd ever experienced. He wanted that feeling, the feeling of her, of light and sun and the breath of something more then darkness. Still it scared him. It scared him more then he was ever willing to admit and so he found himself on Krowsnestt risking the ire of what few mandalorians there may be left in the system on the hunt for some damned chiss.

He'd sent his knights hunting for some sign of the freighter and its treasured cargo but each trip out yielded disappointment and failure. He tired desperately of the questions and excuses he made for a man (woman) hunt that had no real purpose other then to satiate his troubled soul. He wanted to know, had to know what the connection had meant. Had it just been Snoke after all or was there something more? If it were Snoke then how did he see her on Crait after the destruction of the Supremacy? Did it make him weak? Did she weaken him? What was this new emptiness that burrowed into his mind and body. This all encompassing blackness which he had never quite experienced before. Not even after his act of patricide had he felt this destitute, like something was just missing… gone.

After what felt like an eternity the force rippled back to him, like vibrations on a krykna's web. To the east across the frozen lake, that was his where he would start. With a wave of his hand he cloaked his TIE destroyer, no need to alert any hostile locals to his presence. First order were not particularly friendly with left over mandalorians and he wanted his mission to go as smoothly as it could. Flicking his lightsaber off he tentatively positioned the weapon at his hip and set out, pulling his cowl tight agains this body for good measure.

The snow was deep and treacherous in some areas but the struggle merely strengthened his resolve as he plodded ahead, one foot in front of the other. Snow drifts and darkness made for harried travel as he used the force to balance his steps as icy fingers raked across his leg. Every few steps or so he found himself adjusting his footing, reaching out across the ground through the force to find where land ended and lake began, the ice making him more nervous then he dared admit. No one knew where he was or what he was attempting, one missed step and he would be gone for good, much to General Hux's dismay he was sure. He was tempted to ignite his lightsaber again but didn't want to attract anymore attention then a lumbering black mass might as it crossed the snowy terrain.

It was good though, the constant awareness of his surroundings, the icy nip at his legs as he walked despite the warmth and thickness of his boots and pants. It kept his mind off her and that was what he needed right now. He needed… He needed…

One missed step he was quickly reminded. Take your mind off your destination and one missed step could cost you your life or your pride. He was lucky in this moment that it was the latter he would be sacrificing as the snow gave way beneath him and the Supreme Leader of the First Order found himself tumbling ass over shoulders down a hill he should have seen coming. The steep incline had been masked by the snowy landscape hiding it from his distracted view. Down and down he tumbled, shoulder, hip, neck, back, shoulder, all colliding with the deceivingly hard ground beneath the powdered snow. Inside his mask his head rattled and banged about, bouncing off the electric apparatus causing him, in that moment to despise the thing. When his body found purchase, lying on his back in the snow staring at a dark yet eerily starry sky he let out a loud guttural holler and smashed his fists against the snowy earth. His body ached, knees felt battered and gored as he lie still and let the quiet over take him.

Curse Krowsnestt, curse this damned chiss he was hunting, curse the damned scavenger for her damned existence plaguing his every waking damned moment. He hated her, he wanted to put his hands around her neck and squeeze. The force wasn't close enough, he wanted to, who was he kidding? What he wanted more then anything else was the slightest touch from her. He wanted to feel her force energy ripple against his, the way it felt when she was in his mind. He wanted to know her, to know her touch, the slightest graze of fingers wasn't enough. It would never be enough.

"What are you doing?" A voice called wrestling from his self pity, a voice he knew too well, a voice he didn't want to admit that he had been desperate to hear. "Where are you, why is it so cold?"

It couldn't be, could it? He forced himself into a seated position, his back now achingly wet and cold from lying in the snow like a petulant youngling. When he didn't respond, Rey looked around, taking in their surroundings quietly, as though she were committing the moment to memory.

"Where are you?" he repeated, his voice distorted and harsh sounding through the respirator in the mask, a sound he noted that seemed to cause her the flinch ever so slightly.

Hair pulled back in its trademark loops, she was dressed for the sun, as she always seemed to be. Her light cropped pants were smattered with dirt, her forehead sweaty with what appeared to be leaves tucked into her hair and staff at her side. "It does no good to repeat the question Ben," his named sounded foreign but oddly comforting coming from her mouth, the edges quirked into a half smile, "Why are you lying around in the snow?"

He found himself fumbling for the switch on his mask, the device releasing with a hydraulic hiss before he pulled his head free, "Where have you been?" he answered back, the strained sound of his own voice startling him slightly as he moved to push stray strands of sweaty hair back from his face, "I could't… feel you."

The way his tone dropped off seemed to throw her off a little, her head quirking to the side just slightly, "Keeping my friends safe" she said tentatively, "Our connection is dangerous for them… Are you safe?"

It was his turn to be thrown off, the question set a quizzical look dancing unabashedly across his strong features. Dark eyes met hers in that moment, quiet settling over them before he asked with a grin, "Are you?"

Exasperated now she shook her head, tapping her staff agains the ground, "Really? You opened this link to what? terrorize me?"

"I opened the link? It was you…" he found his feet quickly, mask hanging from his gloved finger tips as snow flakes frosted his wavy unkempt hair. "I was." he offered by way of explanation.

She looked on expectantly, "You were… what?"

"I'm on a hunt" he said with more determination then he thought he could muster.

"I didn't open the link," Rey said in way of answer, "I was training," an explanation for the leaves in her hair, "there was a…" she paused a moment, seeming to play around with the right words in her mind, he could feel her struggle, her current of thought as it wavered through the force around him. It was bright and intoxicating, "pull I guess you could say. I felt this tug through the force, one minute I was meditating and the next I'm here." She gestured around her "And it's so damned cold. What are you hunting?"

They were standing a mere few feet apart as he allowed his eyes to rove over her. She was relaxed in this moment, albeit tentatively. She seemed to play with the question of her safety not in way of her location but her force proximity to him. Rey's hand seemed to idle a moment, listening to a sound which must have come from her side of the connection. He couldn't see much of where she was, without focusing desperately. Then, a jungle, damp heat hitting him square in the face causing him to sigh in relief. The quick switch in scene seemed to startle her causing her to step back quickly, a motion that jarred his senses causing him to draw his lightsaber instinctively. There was a whir and the blade sprung to life, it's violent red energy vibrating erratically as unpredictable and unstable as his own damned emotions.

Rey reflexively pointed her staff in his direction, she bent into a slight bow presenting a warning stance as an outstretched hand called for something off to the side he hadn't been able to see. "Ben…" she said slowly.

The pull to her was inexplicable, she didn't seem to know it yet but she would join him. He knew deep down in that moment, as her lightsaber clashed against his own. As her force energy spilled into every crack and crease that had been painstakingly etched out of his soul. They would come together in a moment of glorious union. They would stand side by side and the galaxy would quake in fear of their power. With that singular thought he powered down his lightsaber, and thrust himself forward. The loss of a blade supporting her own caused her hand to falter on her own weapon as the buzzing blue slipped from existence. He took advantage in that moment, catching her off guard, a hand raised to gently cup her chin. His thumb grazing delicately across her cheek as his mouth descended upon hers. The touch was soft, his lips warming against Reys, battling against the frozen landscape in which his true form stood. The force bucked and shook around them with such reverence it was almost breath taking. He waited for her to pull away, to give some sign she was displeased but after a moment, he took a short step, drawing up to his full height above her. The motion separated their lips, but he found himself rocking so that their foreheads met instead.

Rey appeared flushed and yet confused. Her breath had quickened ever so slightly as her lips danced into a sweet smile. She was pleased, he could feel that, her hand raised to cup his as his fingers slipped along her jawline, thumb trailing delicately along her soft sweeping cheekbones, "Ben…" She said softly, their breath mingling in that moment, his warm breath puffing cold against her cheek.

"Next time…" he said softly and yet strongly, "you'll take my hand," his words stirred something within her, but he hadn't a chance to let it register as his lips found her forehead, his hand holding the back of her neck softly. "I'll see you soon" he promised before he slipped out of her force range and found himself standing before an echoing lake on Krowsnestt.

Now where was that kriffing chiss.


End file.
